As a former male model myself, I have to say that… What? Oh, sorry, I’ve just been told that having my picture in my high school yearbook doesn’t technically make me one of those. How embarrassing.

men's worst combo 490

Anyway, I was going to say that lots of readers ask me why real guys would dress in some of these outfits you see here from major international fashion shows.

Generally, the way it works is like this. On the morning of the fashion show, their wives and children are taken from them and moved to a secret location, where they are forced to eat Brussels sprouts and listen to Barry Manilow if the models don’t wear these designer “creations.”

If the models play ball, the families are returned safely after the show, the stench of Brussels sprouts still clinging to their clothes.

Here, then, is my selection of the WORST men’s fashions from 2009.

ITALY-FASHION/10. Dressing the swine for the flu?

9. It’s ME, Grammy, all dressed up!

8. All Nazi spies, please stand in this line!

7. Look, it’s haute cooture!

6. Give me your lunch money, sir!

5. Some haute for your goat?

4. Ballad of the bun-flinger gunslinger

3. Dude! What do they pay you to wear that?

2. You call for some professional whippers?

1. The worst outfit in the history of earth?

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