When you consider both the mustache debacle and the fact that I was given a 9mm by my brother with the Greyhound bus I was to board en route to Tim & Robin in Oklahoma City, you can imagine my mindset.

I was sneaking on a gun.
I had a dyed face.
I was on a mode of transportation that suited neither.

Funny how on the previous rides, they were the freaks.

Well, as it turned out, there is no security check [you’d think a recent minor beheading might cause them to step it up just a tad] and I made it there safely. Although, I’m not sure if the Cherokee lit on moonshine has gotten off yet – but that’s neither here nor there.

We left the next morning and caved to the ‘road trip must’ of The Big Texan Steakhouse in Amarillo – home of the 72oz free piece of meat. Now, I can eat. I’m no Collin Crowell, but it’s been a good 18-pound gain since January. I was willing. I was previously willing, until the 5’10’’ Samoan hung his head and made his way off of the stage they put you on to accomplish said task – complete with a big ass red clock above you. Did they mention that you also had to consume a salad, bread roll, veggies and desert to not pay? Needless to say, I went with a steak 1/5 of that size and still had some left over for our daily breakfast burritos.

It is something you should do though – riding there in the free limo, complete with horns on the front, stopping on the way to the Cadillac Graveyard, complete with a fantastic story:

Sometime, I’m guessing the 70’s, an oil tycoon walked into a Cadillac dealership wearing his working clothes. No one helped him. He got so annoyed he walked into the manager’s office and told him that he wanted to buy all the cars on the showroom store…with cash. He had them all delivered to the side of the road on some property he owned and had them buried ass-up. This became such a landmark; they later had to move them away from the highway as they were causing traffic pileups.

This is Americana at it’s best. Route 66 personified. I love it. Somewhere out there, a giant ball of string still waits as does that insane dinosaur that Pee Wee made out with Simone…and I want to see it. I learned an important lesson a while back in India about giving into my inner-tourist and it’s been so much better ever since.

New Mexico was next – and I really hope there’s some kitch. In a very non-ironic way.

pixelstats trackingpixel


Read full article…

Other Headlines

Related topics: , , , ,